Church Hurt

An Open Letter to Those Who Have Experienced Church Hurt

Let me first say, I am sorry that you have experienced hurt from those who are called to love. I am sorry that the place and people who you looked to in times of uncertainty and fear, did not offer shelter or certainty.

However, I would like to gently remind you, that those people are people. Just like you. Hope cannot be reliant on an individual unless that individual is Jesus. Peace, love, and counsel cannot only be sought from other humans because humans fail.

Recently, I have been listening to several people express their frustration with the church and the people in it. They are frustrated, not because they were an outsider who was hurt by what churchgoers had to say, but because they were people who were sitting in the church, hurt by what fellow churchgoers had to say and their actions. Because of the hurt caused, the church is losing people. I say “the church”, because the church is the members. We are the church. We are the hurt. That is sad and discouraging. I began to worry that if I, a Christian in a healthy church, with a great church family, is feeling sad about that, how sad and discouraged those who have been hurt must feel. I am sure it is lonely.

When we, as Christians, fail to first, love all people that Christ has come to die for, we are not Christ-like. When we fail to support those in need or in doubt and walk alongside them in hopes of helping them see the good, we are failing as a church. When we fail to speak the truth and do so with humility, we are failing as friends. When we are quicker to judge than we are to accept, we are hypocrites. I am asking you to set judgment aside and let God have the final judgment; it was never meant to be carried by you.

“You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. Since you judge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid God’s judgment when you do the same things? Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?” – Romans 2:1-5

Church, I am not asking you to compromise your beliefs to accommodate others. I am not asking you to ignore things that are wrong. I am not asking you to befriend every single person you meet and take them to ice cream, but I am asking you to love them. I am asking you to be kind. I am asking you to sit with the person who is lonely. I am asking you to hug the kid with addiction. I am asking you to smile at the person with tattoos and piercings. I am asking you to say hello to the member of LGBTQIA+. I am asking you to in all things, do as Christ would do, and be meek. See others for what they are, human. Humans who are no more in need of a savior than you are.

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” -Romans 5:8

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this, the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.”

– 1 John 4:7-12

If you have been hurt by the church, I am sorry, because that is not what the church should look like. I am sorry that someone let you down. But just like any other group of people, any other community, there will always be people to discourage you from seeing the good. Look for the helpers, they are there somewhere.

Know that no matter how you were treated, Jesus loves you. He loves us all. He came to earth, lived, and died for every person here and who is yet to come. Don’t hold hate in your heart toward God, He is not who hurt you. God is the furthest from hate and the closest to love. God has given you free will as a demonstration of His love. You are not confined by God, but He would be happy to have you on your own terms.

God doesn’t owe you an apology, but the church does. So, as a Christian, I am saying I am sorry. Come back, try again, and if that looks like you picking up the Word of God to find out what Jesus means to you on your own for now, great. I am happy to have you on my pew any week. I am happy to pray for you and with you, regardless of what you have done, who you are, or what you look like, because that’s what Christ would do.

This week, church, I am asking you to be uncomfortable. Be a friend to someone who you are scared of. Be kind to someone you would never otherwise find yourself in conversation with. Be like Jesus and love first.

“As it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one;”- Romans 3:10

“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” – Proverbs 27:19

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” – John 13:34

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” -Ephesians 4:32

“ Do to others as you would have them do to you “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”- Luke 6:31-37

“Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him. And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, “This man receives sinners and eats with them.” So, he told them this parable: “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” -Luke 15:1-7

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13